Rediscovered Families

Parenting from The heart

  • About
    • Terms & Conditions
    • Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Disclaimer
    • Disclosure Page
  • Search
  • Free Resources
  • Blog
    • Positive Parenting
    • Family Activities
    • Simplify Family Life
    • Family Finances
  • Shop

How I Found The Courage To Live An Authentic Life

April 14, 2014 By Sharon Harding

This Posts may contain affiliate links. This means we earn a commission from sales made via product links in this post. For more information click here.

It was a conversation I’ll never forget. Not because it was particularly long, it was actually one of the shortest conversations I’ve ever had with my son. But it was a conversation that had profound impact on me. It started out with a gentle question. I asked the question, because I loved my son, because I couldn’t bear to wait any longer.

“I understand that you are gay. Is this true?”

 Do you wish you could just be yourself and live an authentic life? My son’s courage compelled me to conquer my fears and learn how to be true to myself.

I knew it was true. I had known for some time. When your teenage son starts referring to male actors as “cute” it’s a pretty big hint! I waited for him to tell me. I waited for him to be ready.

But it takes a lot of courage for gay teens to come out. Even though society is changing there is still a lot of fear to overcome. I knew that, but the time had come for me to ask.

The silence hung between the two of us and finally my son hung his head and quietly said, “yes!”

I was heartbroken. My beloved son had hung his head in shame.

I always imagined that I was the kind of mom that was approachable. I worked hard to ensure that my boys could tell me anything. That they were accepted and loved just as they are. Yet somehow I had failed to communicate this to my son.

The relationship between parent and child is incredible. In one of her books Anne Lamott wrote

“there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.”

And it’s true isn’t it? The relationship between parent and child is beautiful. But it can also be hard and messy. Things get complicated. Fear creeps in and brings chaos in its wake.

When I saw my son hang his head I knew I had to start over. I told him that I already knew. A look of shock replaced the look of shame. This was quickly followed by relief as he realized that I was ok with it. He was accepted for who he was.

Now it was my turn to come out

My son had the courage to come out and say, “this is who I am” and I was so proud of him. Now it was my turn and that wasn’t so easy. Gay rights activist Peggy Campolo once talked about what it is like to live in a closet. She had three observations

  1. To live in a closet is a terrible thing
  2. People live in closets because they are afraid they will not be loved or accepted if they are honest about who they are
  3. Homosexual people are not the only people who live in closets.

We attended a church that strongly opposed gay marriage. I was married to the minister for goodness sake. I supported gay rights, but had been afraid to speak out.

  • For fear of being rejected.
  • For fear of being different.

It was a ugly side of me that I didn’t want to acknowledge or face.

I was in the closet with the door padlocked shut.

The conversation I had with my son that day changed me. I realized that I could no longer stay silent. The only way to really communicate my complete acceptance was to follow his lead.

It was so hard

It was really, really hard. I wish I could say that I immediately found the courage to come out of my closet. But the truth is that it took about five years.

  • I discovered that fear is powerful force, but in the end love defeats fear.
  • You can do hard things even when you are deathly afraid.
  • Amazing growth has a way of bursting forth in the middle of the mess.
  • Love triumphs over fear

In the end the love I had for my son compelled me to come out of my closet. I needed to recognize and face my fears, before I could speak up in support of my son and all those who are a part of the LBGTQ community. Then in fear and trembling I came out. to my astonishment he world didn’t end!

All those years I had been terrified of speaking up and voicing my beliefs, but in the end I discovered that it wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought. And that is a very liberating thing.

In the middle of the fear I found myself.

 Do you wish you could just be yourself and live an authentic life? My son’s courage compelled me to conquer my fears and learn how to be true to myself.

My brave son who showed me the way

Today I want to remind you that parenting can be be messy and hard. There will be times when fear raises its ugly head, but that’s okay. It is part of life. I discovered that even when you are deathly afraid there are still all kinds of wonderful things waiting for you.

  • We can do hard things even when we are really scared.
  • Love trumps fear.
  • We can start over at any time.

There was a time when I thought that pain, fear, and mess were a sign of failure. That somehow when those things crept into my  life it was a sign that I was lacking. Now I have discovered that I am imperfect and yet I am still enough. I am learning to embrace my messy, beautiful, imperfect life just the way it is. It has also allowed me to accept my children’s messy beautiful lives just as they are. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Filed Under: Positive Parenting Tagged With: Building Family Connections, choosing to connect

Comments

  1. Brenda Parsons says

    April 14, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    As a true warrior, you faced what you had to despite your fears. Bravo!

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 15, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      Thank you Brenda xx

  2. Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy says

    April 15, 2014 at 4:50 am

    There definitely needs to be more parents like you in the world Sharon. My sister is Gay and it was my Mother that approached my sister and told her that she knew and that it was OK. My family treat my sister and her wife like totally normal people, we don’t even have second thoughts of their sexual preference. I have heard many horrible stories from my sister about her gay friends and how their families have treated and disowned them, it’s truly horrible and something I have never been able to understand, especially as a Mother myself.
    Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy recently posted…When Her Heart Stopped Beating {Trigger Warning}My Profile

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 15, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Your sister is so blessed to have such a supportive family. I have heard some horror stories! I am like you Eva, I simply cannot understand how anyone could disown a child ever.I suspect it is a fear based response, but so sad and so devastating 🙁

  3. KendraKay says

    April 15, 2014 at 11:02 am

    SO beautiful!! I’m thrilled for you and your very fortunate son who knows now, and that’s all that matters. 🙂 Yea for messes and second chances!!
    KendraKay recently posted…Minimalist Easter BasketsMy Profile

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 15, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      I LOVE second chances 🙂 I waffled about writing this, but then I read your story and was inspired to take a deep breath and follow your lead.

  4. Justine says

    April 15, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    Beautiful! Thank you so much for your courage in sharing your story! I really enjoyed it! Justine

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 15, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Thank you Justine

  5. Jonathan says

    April 15, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    This such a beautifully uplifting story and you’ve told it in such a moving way.
    Jonathan recently posted…Baby showers: what about dads?My Profile

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 15, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Thank you Jonathan 🙂

  6. EssentiallyJess says

    April 16, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    I don’t even know how my sister came out to my parents. But I think we all knew for a long time, so it wasn’t a surprise.
    She doesn’t talk about it a lot though. I think she’s probably still in the closet in many ways.
    EssentiallyJess recently posted…The Whisper #IBOTMy Profile

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 20, 2014 at 6:49 pm

      Society has changed a lot, but it is still hard to be openly gay. I’m proud of my son.Thanks for dropping by.

  7. crystal says

    April 18, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    beautiful Sharon! I’ve been clicking around on the other stories too, just brilliant. XX

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 20, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      I’ve been clicking on some of the other stories as well…. there really are some amazing posts.

  8. Liz Smith says

    April 18, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    That had me sprouting tears Sharon, such a beautiful and honest piece.

    Without a doubt my favourite part, “Now I have discovered that I am imperfect and yet I am still enough.” A message that resonates, thank you!

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 20, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      Thank you Liz 🙂

  9. Cass@frugalfamily says

    April 19, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Lovely honest post – Thanks for linking up with the Parenting Pin It Party x x
    Cass@frugalfamily recently posted…A fishy tale with a sad ending….My Profile

  10. Carol Archambeault says

    April 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Another beautiful piece, full of honesty and warmth.
    Carol Archambeault recently posted…Does your dining space need a makeover?My Profile

    • Sharon Harding says

      April 24, 2014 at 10:01 am

      Thank you 🙂

sidebar image

A Warm Welcome

SharonH-6

I Write About

  • Family Activities
  • Family Finances
  • Positive Parenting
  • Simplify Family Life

Copyright © 2019 · Rediscovered Families· Privacy Policy · Cookie Policy· Disclosure· Disclaimer

I'VE GOT YOU COVERED!
Does it sound like something you can use? I hope so! Get it today.
YOUR BEST EMAIL:
Download my free e- book "Unplug." It is crammed full of simple activities to help your family have fun together.
Sign up here
LOOKING FOR FUN FAMILY ACTIVITIES THAT WILL FIT YOUR SCHEDULE?
Take the FREE 7 day play activity challenge and you will discover

  • Simple activities that you can do immediately.
  • How to have fun and make memories in only 15 minutes a day.
  • The benefits of spending short periods of time with your kids.
LOOKING FOR FUN FAMILY ACTIVITIES THAT WILL FIT YOUR SCHEDULE?
Take the FREE 7 day play activity challenge and you will discover

  • Simple activities that you can do immediately.
  • How to have fun and make memories in only 15 minutes a day.
  • The benefits of spending short periods of time with your kids.
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. You do not have to consent to cookies, but our site may not function well without them. For more info please read our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. Accept CookiesNoRead more
Revoke Cookies